you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
