Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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