his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
