he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
