is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
