Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
