I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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