could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
