We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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