Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
