Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
