he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
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If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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