I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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