somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
