fuck your aforementioned shoe
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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