I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
