hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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