Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
