...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
