I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
