me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
