Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
