I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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