Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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