i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
