i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i think my cat just said my name.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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