She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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