Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
