Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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