remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
