chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
