I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
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I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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