There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
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She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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