Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
