just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
