I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
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I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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