i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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