I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
