I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
