I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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