i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
