I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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