Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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