I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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