i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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