I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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