Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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