Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
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Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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