We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
