i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
