I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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