i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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