Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
