Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
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get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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