I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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