Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
