thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
