the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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