My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
