Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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