i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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