I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
