Tell her she can't have a vagina
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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