***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
