I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
