Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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