Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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