she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
