not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
