Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize