im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
