i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
