billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize