We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
