whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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