Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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