Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
