If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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